How I Manage My Food-Pusher Friends

Note from a fellow bariatric patient…

I’ve come to understand why others care about what I eat, but it’s especially frustrating when someone tries to control my food choices. This became even more noticeable after my weight loss surgery nine years ago when my portions and options were so limited.

Over the years, I’ve developed strategies to maintain my food boundaries without damaging relationships. Here are a few that have worked for me.

1. Be Short and Direct

For the first few years after surgery, I didn’t eat sugar at all. When offered something sweet, I simply said, “I’m sorry, I don’t do sugar.” Most people wouldn’t ask why, and if they did, I’d just say it was for health reasons. You don’t need to engage in a long discussion. Often, the response was, “Oh, I don’t do sugar either!” or “Good for you!”

2. Be Calm and Polite

If someone keeps pushing food, be firm but not combative. A simple, “I really appreciate you making this—it looks amazing—but I’m full, thanks,” usually does the trick. Then, walk away or, if that’s not possible, change the subject. A well-placed compliment can be a great distraction.

3. Fill Your Plate Strategically

Take small portions and spread them out so your plate looks fuller. You don’t have to eat everything. In fact, I rarely do. By sampling a little of most dishes, my plate looks “normal,” and I avoid offending anyone whose dish I didn’t try. Often, I end up tossing part of it—and that’s okay. You have permission to do the same.

4. Say No Without Guilt

You owe no one an explanation for what you choose to eat (or not eat). A simple “No, thank you” with a smile is enough. True friends will respect your choices. If Aunt Erma is upset that you didn’t eat three servings of her triple-cheese mashed potatoes, so be it. Your health is more important, and she’ll likely forget about it by the next time you see her.

5. Plan Ahead

Know what you’ll eat before you’re faced with a table full of tempting foods. Don’t wait until the moment to decide. As a carb lover, I choose to indulge in a good roll and a little mashed potatoes at special events—but I skip the mincemeat pie without hesitation.

6. Enlist a Friend

When my son and I took a European cruise, we made a pact to limit sugary desserts and stick to one bread-related treat a day (because, let’s be honest, Europe is the baking capital of the world!). By keeping each other accountable, we stayed on track—and I even lost three pounds during our three-week trip.

7. Know Your Weaknesses and Triggers

Some foods may be best avoided altogether if they’re hard to resist. For me, that’s chips. I haven’t had one in six years because I know I can’t stop at just one. If you have a food that leads you down a slippery slope, it’s best to say “No” before you even take a bite. A small indulgence isn’t worth derailing your progress.

8. Be Open About Your Choices (If Needed)

I don’t drink alcohol. After nine years, people expected it, but early on, I had to constantly decline when someone poured me a glass of wine. When they asked why, I simply said, “I’d rather eat my calories than drink them.” I only allow myself so much each day without gaining weight, and I’m not wasting them on cocktails.

Stand Your Ground

A true friend won’t try to intimidate you into eating something that’s not good for you. If someone is being pushy, walk away. It’s okay to remove yourself from certain situations—or even certain people. Step outside for a breath of fresh air, move to another part of the room, or start a conversation with someone else. Don’t let social pressure dictate your choices. Your healthier, happier body will thank you.

Sincerely,

—Your bariatric friend